17:17.

 Now I'm back to wondering if God hates me or not. I talked so much shit when I was mad that day, ugh. I wish the devil didn't exist. I wish nothing happened that day. I blame dad and the devil. I'll try my best to make amends. I'll try my best not to go back to that dark hole again. I've been depressed ever since that day, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself.

Not Letting The Devil Win.

 So, The past two days have been a total mess. I guess the devil was trying his best to control me again. I'm strong enough to not let him win, though. Meh, I know God Is probably mad at me, but I'll try my best not to let that happen again.

Another Success On The Way.

I love how my chief editor always motivates me. She loves my articles, and she even said that I was one of the best journalists on the news website I work for. That on its own is an honor. I never thought I'd be that good in my major, and I haven't even graduated yet. I'm so happy. God's truly watching over me and blessing me each and every single day. I feel protected, guarded, and blessed. I can't even put how happy I truly am into words. I am not a failure. I'm a strong independent, and successful journalist, and I will never let myself believe that I'm anything less than that ever again.

Dad-Issues.

Thoughts are going through my head, and I just can't stop overthinking. I'm very concerned about my dad. His mental health is draining more and more each day, and I just can't take it anymore. It makes me sad how he literally became a fucking psychopath, thinking that everyone's spying on him and even watching him. Excuse me? I wish it was never like this. I just want a normal family, but I guess it's too much to ask for. I trust God's plan. Maybe all of this is happening to him because of all the shit he made my mom go through. I just hope all of this doesn't end tragically. I truly hope so.

Another Day, Another Dawn.

I'm currently pretty satisfied with how my life is going right now. I don't feel like a failure anymore. I'm a  strong beautiful woman. I have amazingly supportive friends, and I love myself. I learned that self-love isn't selfish. It's the opposite. It's a must. I'm looking forward to seeing what the future holds for me, and I'm pretty sure that it'll be amazing. I have God and angels surrounding me and protecting me. I have nothing to fear. I never thought that I'd change how I see things, but I'm so happy this change has happened. I am truly blessed to have opened my eyes to the truth.

Journalism Bringing Back Memories.

I love journalism so much. I'm so happy I specialized in that department. I was born a writer, and to be completely honest, writing all of these articles for the news website I currently work for brought back some good old memories of back when I was a school student when everyone used to compliment my writing. I can feel myself healing, I don't even remember the bad days I had in the past anymore, and that on its own is an accomplishment. And I don't ache over the past anymore. Now, I look back at everything I've been through as lessons. I've learned so much about several things in the past few years including history, religions, books, civilizations, and mostly myself. I've realized how strong I am and how I need to appreciate myself a lot more, I learned not to compare myself to anyone. I am myself, I am unique just the way I am. I am a beautiful strong independent woman who doesn't need approval from men to feel good about herself. I am Nurit.

A Strong Independent Journalist.

I'm so happy with how my life is going right now. I'm officially working for a news website as a journalist. I can't even begin to explain how proud of myself I am. I guess I was never a failure like my mom's family used to always tell me. I'm so proud of myself for coming this far. I neither overthink nor stress over anything anymore. I mean, why would I care when I have God on my side and all these angels guarding and protecting me. I am truly blessed to have opened my eyes. I guess, in the past few years, I was my own worst enemy. I chose to surround myself with the wrong people. They blinded me, and I will never let myself go back to that dark hole ever again. I'm so happy with who I am today, I'm proud of myself, and I'll never go back to being the lost soul I was for the past three years. Cheers to the new beginning, a new happy and confident Nurit!

The Taste of A Good Life.

Life has been amazing in the past few days. Everything's just getting so much better, and I can feel myself finally healing from the past. All the bullies, and the things I went through because of mom's toxic family, Everything's just vanishing, and I'm so proud of the person I'm becoming. I'm looking forward to the future and what it holds for me. I'm just so happy, and I hope it lasts for a really long time. God's on my side, and that alone is more than enough for me to be euphoric.

The Highlight of 2021❤️🦋.

20:07.

 I feel like I'm really starting to grow up. I can't wait to graduate from college next year, and start working and have my own life and freedom. My mindset is really starting to change. Also, I love the fact that I don't have a crush on anyone. It's a waste of time. Happy Nurit!.

Fasting Gone Perfectly.

 So, yesterday there was a fasting day for Muslims, and surprisingly I fasted with my sister. The weird thing about it all is that it didn't feel awkward at all, in fact, it reminded me of the good old days back when I used to fast Ramadan with my family, maybe it's the right path and who I'm supposed to be. I don't know honestly, but ever since I took my Shehada, things have been going differently, in a good way. God has been delivering my prayer instantly, and I'm really started to see the flaws I never saw before in the people I surrounded myself with in the past. I'm just happy that I found my way in life, I got my sign and I'm never going back to the lost soul I was for the past three years.

You don't need coffee; you need to sleep.

You don't need nicotine; you need to walk.

You don't need alcohol; you need to laugh out loud.

You don't need sex; you need connection.

You don't need narcotics; you need to think.

You don't need stimulants; you need me to hug you.

You don't need hallucinogens; you need art.

You don't need TV; you need poetry.

You don't need to buy; you need nature.

You don't need your suppliers; you need God.

You don't need love relationships; you need love.

You need yourself.

I need me.

Above all you need inner peace, which requires harmony between the internal and external....

Do what you believe in, and believe in what you do.

#minefroR

Personal Space.. Finally.

 So, yesterday dad finally decided to reward me for passing my junior year of college, I finally got my own laptop, I'm so happy! I mean, I finally have my own space, my freedom. Aside from the fact that it'd help me so much with both my schoolwork and my press/journalism work. Life is smiling at me, finally and I'm so happy about that. God answered my prayers, I feel guarded, I feel blessed. 

Plus, I forgot to mention the article that I wrote for the news website that I work for currently, well, it's not an official job, I'm just a trainee, but you get the point. I feel accomplished, I'm very proud of myself. All I gotta say is thank God.

11:36.

God answered my prayers. I passed all my classes this year. I guess I was wrong all along, but I’m glad I got my sign. I’m so grateful for that.

00:47.

I got my sign❤️🙏🏻.

23:33.

أعترف أن الله أعطاني أكثر مما أستحق، وأكرمني أكثر مما اجتهدت وكان معي أضعاف المرات التي ناديته بها، و أنه لم يتركني رغم أنى ابتعدت، ولم يخذل ظني الجميل به رغم أن ظني كان كثير من المرات أشبه بالمستحيل، وأنه ستر عيوبي و جمَّلني بقلوب مَن حولي رغم أني أخطأت.. وأعترف أنني لو أشكره أبد الدهر ما أوفيته عظيم صنيعه معي و كرمه عليّ و لطفه بي.

اللهم اجعلني في عنايتك فلايضرني بشر ولا يبكيني قدر.. يا رب لك الحمد كما ينبغي لجلال وجهك ولعظيم سلطانك.

נורית צריכה עזרה.

I hate having a crush on someone, maybe that’s why I’ve never even dared to have a crush on anyone before, I hate this jealousy, I hate having to wonder if the other person likes someone else or not, or if they even like me, ugh, and on top of that, I don’t even know what to do with my life anymore, I don’t know who I am anymore, I don’t know if this is who I’m supposed to be, I don’t wanna be a fake, ugh, I need another sign.. this isn’t okay. 

אני צריכה העזרה של אלוהים... זה לא בסדר.

23:03.

I/P conflict makes me so sad. I know it’s not even close to how Palestinians and Israelis feel right now, but it really depresses me how there can’t be peace in such a holy area.

13:42.

So much has changed these days, I don’t even know, maybe I’m changing for the best, Maybe it’s a sign that this change should’ve happened a long time ago, I know it’s a sign, and that’s why I decided to trust my instincts. I wanna change.