Butterflies.

 Sam and I just got done with tonight's video call. I feel so fucking special. He was tired as hell, and he still wanted to video-call me just to see me! I feel like he finally started to truly love me. I can see it in his eyes, and I'm just so happy about it. I feel blessed and protected. He's really starting to get very protective of me, and I love it. He doesn't like me to stay online after he sleeps, and that showed today when we were video calling tonight. He was very sleepy, and he then asked if I was going to sleep as well. Honestly, it's the first time for him to do that. It's the first time that I feel like he's starting to feel protective of me. He doesn't want me to stay online while he's asleep. I love this so much. I love it when my partner is that protective. I'm in love with every detail about Sam. I want to keep him forever. I'm truly happy for the very first time in my life. Sam is God's gift to me, the gift I'll forever be thankful for.

Dear Lord,

Thank you. I love you. Please, let me keep this man forever.

22:07.

Happiness is both a right and a privilege. Everyone has the right to be happy, but it may take a long time to find the person who's going to make you that way. It's a privilege because once you find that person, you better not take advantage of them because if you do, they may not stick around. Love and happiness are nothing to be played around with, and hearts aren't toys. So, don't play with them either, or else you may drop and break them.

Those are my words of advice for the day, thank you.

Loving Sam.

 One of the million things I love about Sam is that he always surprises me with cute videos or pictures of him while he's at work. He's just different. He's more than just a guy to me, he means the world to me, and I'd literally do anything to keep him happy. I also love the fact that he's confident. To be completely honest, I've never felt the way I am right now. I'm happy. I don't have to worry about my partner cheating on me for the very first time in my life. I feel safe, and that's why I'll never even think of letting him go. I want to keep him forever, and that's what I'll work towards. I finally found the perfect guy for me, and I'm never letting him go. He truly changed me into a better, more mature person, and I'll forever be grateful for that. I love him.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for blessing me with Sam's love. Thank you for always hearing my prayers and delivering them. I'll forever be thankful. I love you.

Mature Me.

I've come to realize that I won't be smiling as much as I do when Sam and I video chat or talk on the phone every single day, and that's totally fine. I love how mature this guy has made me. I remember back when I was 14 to 21. Back when I was a clingy girl who required attention 24/7. This guy has been nothing but a blessing to my life. He's taught me how to mature and better myself. I guess that's the main difference between dating immature guys and dating a grown man. A good mature man will only help you become better. I have to admit that I'm getting way better because of Sam. Maybe it's true God has sent Sam my way to help me mature and better myself, and that's why I'll forever be thankful for his existence in my life. I love God. I love myself, and I sure as hell love Sam with every fiber of my being.

Dear Lord,

Thank you. I love you so much.

Dear Cupid, Thank You For Hitting Me in the Head.

I can't even describe how happy I am right now. Sam is literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. I never thought I'd fall for him that fast, but I guess it's been meant to be from the beginning. My heart said yes to an Egyptian guy for the very first time. I love how he let me change him, or fix him, to be more accurate. He's a lot more apologetic now, and that's a huge change. My heart is beating so fast. This is the true love I've always dreamt of. I never want to lose him. I'll do everything in my power to keep him. I'm happy.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for blessing me with Sam's love. Thank you for the euphoria you gave me. Thank you for not giving up on me. Please, let me keep Sam forever and always. I love you.

Best Dad Award Goes To Mine.

 I talked to Dad about me not wanting to travel abroad anymore and wanting to work and move to Cairo instead a few days ago, and surprisingly, he was very supportive of my decision. I'm pretty happy about this because I'll be much closer to Sam, and we'll finally be able to move in together like we planned. Yeah, dad has issues but to be completely honest, he's never been against my freedom. He's always been supportive of me and my decisions. I love him dearly. God bless him.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for everything you've done for me. I love you.

A Never-ending Love Song.

Tonight has cleared so many things about Sam. He's changing, and it's the good kind of change, probably the best change I've ever witnessed in my life. He's no longer aggressive when it comes to me. Sometimes he is indeed aggressive still, but it's only when he's under a lot of pressure, which is totally understandable because who isn't? Not me. It went from "I don't give a single fuck about your feelings" to "I don't like it when I make you upset. Don't be mad at me. Honestly, if that's not a change, then I don't know what is. Sam is truly evolving. I'm so happy that I was the reason behind this all. 

God is truly on my side, and I can't even begin to explain how grateful and happy I am about it. Not only God gave me what I've always wanted, but He keeps blessing me every single day. I'm just so happy, and I never want this feeling to end.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for everything. I love you so much.

Please let me keep Sam forever.

Bummer.

So, Sam decided to video call me while he was still at work for the very first time ever. I got excited, and I just thought that it was going to be all cute and shit. But nope, he was a little hurtful, not going to lie. Meh, I hate how obsessive I can get when I'm in a relationship. I just don't want to be the obsessive one anymore. I want my partner to be the one who's all over me. I guess I'm going to step back a bit and see if anything will change. I'm tired, and I just need to sleep for hours. I hope it helps me feel better.

Savior Or Slave?.

This whole Sam's money issue is getting me confused. It always leaves me wondering, am I a savior or just a slave? He told me I saved his life, and he truly started having serious feelings for me. But is he really in love with the person I am or just the fact that I helped him with his money issue? I guess I know now why I've always avoided dating Egyptian men. They're confusing as hell. You seriously can't find out what's truly going on in their minds. Dear Lord, please help me through this. I need a sign. Should I keep going with this, or should I just leave?.

Vaccinated and Devastated.

 So, I got my first vaccine shot this morning. It was okay. It didn't hurt at all. I'm just petrified of the side effects, but I'm sure I'll be fine.

I'm very upset, though. I was supposed to go get cash from the ATM for Sam only to find out that my debit card stopped working just because I didn't confirm that I turned 21 the day I did. Fucking ugh. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO SUCK? I mean, yeah, I ended up fixing the whole situation, but still, why do I have to wait for another week to be able to send Sam the money he needs? Dear Lord, please give me patience.

On the bright side of this all, Sam is changing so much nowadays. I can't believe this is the same guy I met. He's a lot more caring, loving, and understanding. He admitted that he started to really love me last night, and that made my heart warm. The guy I've been head-over-heels in love with finally feels the same way about me. He also said that I was the reason why he changed. He said that I literally saved him. This relationship can't get any more perfect. I hope this feeling lasts forever. I love Sam so much.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for all the blessings you've blessed me with. Thank you for blessing me with Sam's existence and love. I love you. Please, let me keep him forever.

Hiding My Candle.

 So, I decided that from now on, I won't talk to people about Sam. I'm going to just enjoy my relationship in silence and in private. No one needs to know the details. It's my and Sam's relationship. Not anyone else's. I got to learn how to hide my candle to keep it lit. I seriously can't lose him. The evil eye is real, and I wouldn't want it to affect our relationship. A private relationship is a healthy one. A wise man once said: Keep your relationship private without keeping your partner a secret. And that's what I'm going to do. It's the best choice for now. I don't think I'll be able to take it if I lose Sam. So, I will do my best to keep him.

Dear Lord,

I know I've given you so many reasons to leave me behind, but please, let me keep Sam forever.

I love you.

Overthinking is a Bitch.

 So, after worrying and overthinking all day about whether Sam is angry with me or not. I finally got my answer. He is not. I really need to stop doubting my ability to make him happy because I'm doing the best job at it, and I'll never forget any of what he told me yesterday. It was just pure and innocent. It was sincere. I love seeing this other side of him. You know, the soft side that no one else sees. I love the fact that he trusts me enough to tell me all those little details about his life. I just love him. I seriously can't find words to describe how I feel about him other than that I love him so much. I'm just euphoric. I finally found the true happiness I've been seeking for my whole life, and I'll never let it go.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for everything. I love you.

Please let me keep Sam forever.

Let This Day Be Marked in History.

 I can't stop thinking about how amazing last night was. I'm in love, and now that Sam finally feels the same way about me, I'm not even scared to show my feelings towards him anymore. I truly pray that it lasts. I never want to lose him. He's everything I've ever wanted in a partner.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for everything you've done to make this angel of a man be mine. I love you. Please, let me keep him forever.

Blooming.

 

A Proud Girlfriend.

Sam and I just got done talking on the phone, and the first thing he told me was that he truly started loving me. He also asked me to never leave him and to stay by his side forever. He told me that he quit smoking weed, and it's been a week since he last smoked pot. I can't even begin to explain how happy I am and how proud I am to hear those words coming from him. It's like a fucking dream come true. The guy I've been head over heels in love with started feeling the same way about me, and he quit smoking weed because of me! God truly heard my prayers, and I can't even begin to explain how happy I am right now. I love God, and I'm in love with Sam.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for everything you're doing. I love you.

A Brand New Sam.

 I was talking to myself a few ago like I always do, duh, and then Sam came to my mind. It's crazy to think about how much he's changed in the past few days. He's a totally different person now, and I'm glad it's for the better. Ever since I helped him with his money issue, he started showing me his true colors. He's a lot more open about his life to me now. I think I could finally prove that I'll never let him down or cheat on him. It's lowkey sad that he's never been treated well before. I'm willing to give this relationship my all. He's worth it.

 

Another Morning in Love.

I love waking up early. I really do, but my fucked up sleeping schedule is ruining everything. Surprisingly, I woke up early today even though I slept at 5 AM last night. I was talking to Sam. I'm pretty happy with how our relationship is going. I love the mutual understanding we share. I don't even want to jinx myself, but I truly think I finally found my soulmate. The search is over for me.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for blessing me with Sam's existence in my life.

Thank you for everything, forever and always.

I love you.

00:50.

 Having a boyfriend who's always busy is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because at least you know he has no time to cheat, but at the same time, it is a curse because your partner literally has no time to speak to you normally. But regardless of this all, I want Sam, even if he's busy 24/7. At least he isn't cheating on me. I'm done with players. I'm keeping Sam.

Sam loves how I accept all of his mood swings. He loves how I accept all of his so-called flaws. He loves how understanding I am. How I'm always there to support him and listen to whatever he has to say, and that's more than enough for me to want to keep him forever. He's precious, a literal king. I don't think I'll ever lose feelings for him. I finally found the right guy for me, and I'm not letting him go.

I love how he always tells me that he loves me after every serious conversation we have. He's perfection in a human form. I never want to lose him.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for blessing me with Sam's existence in my life. I love you.

 Please, let me keep him forever. He's everything I've ever wished for in a man.

 

Sam-Obsessed.

 I guess I gotta let go of my doubts. Sam won't let me down. I know he's a good guy. I'm literally obsessed with him, and I'm not gonna let my stupidity ruin our thing. I want him. I honestly can't wait for us to move in together. I love everything about him. I love how he always asks to video chat. I love that little smile he gives me the moment he sees me. That "I miss you" he says the second he sees me is literally everything. I have everything I've always wanted. He's more than enough. I don't want anything to ruin our relationship. I'm not gonna let my stupid doubts ruin our connection. Yes, I know he doesn't speak much of his feelings, but maybe it's just because he doesn't want to get hurt, and that's understandable, or maybe he's just scared of getting called obsessive by me. Anyway, I'm not complaining. He's perfect, and I'll do everything in my power to keep him.

Doubts.

 I hate staying up late so much. I seriously need to stop staying up late. It causes me to overthink, and we all know that overthinking comes with a lot of doubts. I don't even know why I started doubting Sam again. I hate myself so much. I'm fucking petrified of my doubts. The last thing I'd want to happen is my doubts ruining my relationship with Sam.

Dear Lord,

Please, save me.

Euphoria.

 Things have been going great between Sam and me lately. I love how close we've gotten after everything that happened. What I did was truly a must to show him that I truly care about him, and I'm so happy that I could prove that I'll never give up on him no matter how hard it gets between us. Words will never be able to describe how happy I am right now.

I love it when Sam talks about our future together and all the things we'll do when we move in together. I honestly can't wait for it. I truly think I finally found the one guy I'll never lose feelings for. I pray that this never ends.

Dear Lord,

It's me again, and I want Sam forever, please.

Changes in the Air.

 It's crazy thinking about how things have changed in the past couple of days. I feel like a whole new person. I can't even believe what happened. I'm so proud of myself.

So to get into details, let's just say that Sam's money issue is officially solved, thanks to me! I can't believe I helped him with that. I've always been a cheap bitch who didn't like spending money, and then everything changed, and I just helped him. The smile on his face was priceless. It makes me happy that I finally could make someone truly happy. I feel like I'm evolving. I'm so grateful for Sam. He truly changed me into a way better person. I never want to lose him. He's just precious. 

I truly want Sam to be happy forever. He truly deserves nothing but happiness. He's been surrounding himself with the wrong people his whole life, and it just affected his life horribly. I just want to help him heal. I want to make him the happiest man on earth. I want to show him that true love exists and that he's worthy of it.

My life so far is better than ever. I truly pray that this happiness lasts forever. 

Dear God,

Please, bless me, Sam, Mirna, mom, and dad. Always and forever.

Date Officially Set.

 So, Sam and I agreed that we're going to meet on the 12th of this month. I'm not even going to lie. I'm excited as hell. I can't wait to see him in person. I honestly hope it doesn't get weird between us, and I hope it goes as smoothly as possible. I'm just happy. I hope it lasts.

Midnight Sadness.

With everything happening right now, my mental health has gone to hell. This whole money situation Sam's going through is ruining my life. It's funny because I used to make fun of Hisho for sending her boyfriend money, and now I'm the one who really wants to help Sam with this whole money thing. I guess it's true if you make fun of someone for something they do, then it'll happen to you as well. Karma is a bitch.

I just wish I could stop feeling guilty about this all, but at the same time, I just can't because it's Sam who's going through all of this, and he's alone. I wish I could stop letting my heart control me. I want to be that heartless bitch again. Why did I ever fall in love?.

No Feeling is Final.

 I remember back when I first watched the "Jojo Rabbit" movie. It was full of meaningful quotes and sayings. The funny part is that I never understood the quote "no feeling is final", but now I do, and it hurts.

It's true, no feeling is final, and that includes the feeling of the ultimate happiness. The euphoria. It's lowkey funny how everything can turn upside down overnight. I was very happy in the past couple of days, and now I can't even stop crying. I hope this passes. I truly hope so. I'm fed up.

Happiness At Its Finest.

Mine and Sam's relationship is getting much stronger lately. I just love it. I don't even know. I'm just so happy that everything is going well between us. I would never want to lose him. He's just precious. He deserves the entire universe. I can't even put how happy he makes me into words. I love it when he shares the details of his day with me. I think I found the one guy I'll never lose feelings for. I'm so thankful for his existence in my life. I've fallen so deeply in love with Sam, and I n3ver want this happiness to end.  Thank God forever and always.

Hello, September. Please, Be Good.

 August is finally over. It was a long-ass month. It was full of surprises. I'm happy I met Sam in it. God blessed me with his presence in my life. He's amazing. I want him forever. God's gifts always mean the most. Sam has been nothing but a blessing to my life, and I truly pray that I never lose him. From now on, no more doubts about him. I know he loves me, and I love him, and that's all that matters.

On the other hand, though, Mirna's love life has gone to hell. It truly breaks my heart to see her that way. She deserves nothing but happiness. I wish her luck with love was much better. I hate seeing her cry over this dumb-ass dude she fell for. He's a fucking psycho, and he's not worth her time. I truly wish I can just take her pain away, but I know it's not that easy. I know it's not easy to just move on in the blink of an eye, but she's still my sister, and I would never want to see her broken like that. I love her.

I truly hope September brings nothing but blessings to us. Me, Mirna, Sam, mom, and dad. I don't want any more sorrow to dwell in our hearts. I just want us to always be happy. 

Dear God, please bless us all.